I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
