so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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