Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she looked like the before picture.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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