too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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