I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
