we're blogging at a bar
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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