How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my being single is dangerous.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
