Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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