u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
