Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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