i was born a porn star she said
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
