TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
