Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
