no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
