Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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