My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
pray to the hookup gods
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
