I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
