Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
