my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
