he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
