Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
