Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
