There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
ttyl tear gas
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
