in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
