Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
