im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
