I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
