Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
