hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
