His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
