someone get that fucking seahorse.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
