Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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