addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
