woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
she peed on how many people?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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