I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
