I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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