Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
