Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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