They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
