Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
