You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
