So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
