i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I got inside last night via doggy door
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
