it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
