my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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