Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
