just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
