i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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