I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
