I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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