Did we literally take a cab across the street
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
