I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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