i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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