Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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