Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
